Seasonal Affective Disorder

A SAD Train of Thought

4153402_origWell, here we are again. At work. In the cube. I've got so much shit to do.

But it's hard to type and eat my peanut butter oatmeal simultaneously. I'll just look at Vulture while I eat, then I'll get to work.

Oh, look, Parks and Rec GIFs. Man, I love GIFs. I could look at them for hours.

Holy shit, it's already 10:45. How long was I looking at that page of GIFs?!

I should transcribe this interview so I can write that article. It's due by Friday, so I should really get a start on it. I mean, I should not procrastinate; it'll just stress me out.

God, my fingers feel so heavy.

What if I hadn't gotten out of bed today? That would've been great. I love my bed. Even if it sags in the middle. I love it. I love my blankets. I love my pillows. Is it legal to marry an inanimate object?

You'd think that would be an easy question to get an answer to via Google search.

Turns out, no. However, I now know that there exists a woman who claims to be married to the Berlin Wall.

I wonder what their children would look like?

I wonder what their sex life is like?

I'm not Googling that.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I curled up under my desk and went to sleep.

Okay, seriously. Do some work.

Ohhh, that in-the-works all-lady Ghostbusters movie has been cast!

If I could just sleep for, like, a month, I'm pretty sure I'd be all right.

Is it February yet?

Is it the end of the day yet?

Is it possible I'm depressed?

"It's normal to have some days when you feel down."

Thanks. I feel normal.

"But if you feel down for days at a time and you can't get motivated to do activities you normally enjoy, see your doctor."

I don't think work counts as an activity I normally enjoy.

"This is especially important if your sleep patterns and appetite have changed or if you feel hopeless, or turn to alcohol for comfort or relaxation."

Wait. Isn't that what alcohol is FOR?

I could go for a drink right now.

Actually, I could go for a nap right now.

I'm going to close my eyes. But just for two seconds.

Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep.

Everyone on Facebook is SO FREAKING HAPPY.

Twelve hours is probably technically enough, right?

Okay. I'm going to open Word. I'm going to type for at least five minutes.

Three minutes.

Transcribing interviews is my least favorite thing to do. I can't get motivated to do THIS activity. Ergo:  SAD.

One and a half minutes.

I wonder how much a SAD light costs.

Holy shit.

I wonder if lying in the floor near my open oven would have the same effect as sitting in front of a SAD light.

I just need a three-day weekend. When's the next one?

February 16. Elizabeth Peratrovich Day. Or President's Day, if you live anywhere in the U.S. other than Alaska.

That's, like, eighteen years away.

If I were President of the World, I would declare a mandatory three-day weekend for everyone once a month.

If I were President of the World, I would allow humans to hibernate.

Have you ever read about hibernating bears? It's insane. Bears can turn their own pee into protein, which...does something. Helps with hibernation. I could Google it.

Or I could close my eyes. But only for like two seconds.

I wonder if the glow from my computer screen counts as therapeutic light.

11 a.m. I could reasonably eat lunch now.

But then what would I have to look forward to?

Should it be "laying in the floor near my open oven"?

I could Google it.

Or I could get to work.

Or I could warm up my lunch.

Or I could sit here. With my eyes closed. Just two seconds, I swear.